By the Time I Get to Phoenix...My Car's Emissions Will Be Clean

I began this day with a mission: get my Arizona car tags before leaving Tucson. One year ago this month I was in east Texas and had my car inspected. I then returned to Dallas and renewed my license registration with no problems.

But now my car tags and inspection sticker are set to expire. I have discovered this about Arizona: (1) they do not require car inspections as in Texas, (2) they DO require an emissions test on your car if it's older than a 2004 model, (3) if you fail the emissions test it is a pain in the ass to repair it so you can get on with your life, and (4) you must pass the emissions test or you cannot register your car in Arizona.

None of this would matter to me, except I failed the test. I drove to the local DMV, where next door they have an emissions testing center. After 5 minutes and $12.50, I was told I failed the test. Oops. What now?

Well, you find a mechanic to fix it. Happily, and suspiciously, there were a dozen mechanic shops next to the DMV all licking their chops hoping to get your money to repair your car. (Seems like a set up to me.) The mechanics, some standing outside looking at me, reminded me of hookers posing on the streets in Singapore (I've seen photos) trying to lure you inside their domain. I chose to drive back to Sears Automotive at the Parks Place Mall to have them fix my problem. At least I can walk the mall while they tinker with my catalytic converter or air pump.

But the Sears mechanic tells me, "Sorry, we don't do emissions work."

Give me a break. "So, where should I go?" I ask.

"Go to CP's on 22nd Street. He'll treat you right."

So I drove to CP's and left him my car. I then walked back to the Park Place Mall for the day while CP tinkers with my hoses and sensors. The walk was pleasant, though tedious. I'm not used to walking for 45 minutes without sitting down for a while. Only in Tucson would I even attempt such a trek.

So here I am at the Border's Bookstore, laptop in lap, killing time until my car is repaired. I hope to pass the emissions test later today, maybe tomorrow. I think, however, I'll get a taxi back to the auto shop.